I was fourteen years old on June 2, 1998, when The Smashing Pumpkins' album Adore was released. This was back in those halcyon days before the internet made everything instantly downloadable two weeks before the official release date; when a "release date" was actually an anticipated event. The local rock station in LA had been playing the pre-release single, "Ava Adore," on heavy rotation for weeks, and it seemed like the stars were aligning for another Smashing Pumpkins success three long years after 1995's Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness had gone eight times platinum. This new album was something that I could not live without.
But I was fourteen years old, and I did not have a car, and I did not have much money, and pretty much the only thing I could do was beg my parents to take me to the local music store and buy the CD for me. So I begged, and I begged, and I begged some more for good measure, and I was denied. In my frustration, I began to scrawl on bits of paper and tape them to various locations around the house. The front door. The door to my parents' bedroom. The landing at the top of the stairs. My fucking forehead. Each location, the same simple message:
"I WANT ADORE"
"I WANT ADORE"
"I WANT ADORE"
Mostly what I needed at that point was a blistering rock anthem capable of somehow expressing the ridiculous teenage torment I was feeling inside. A new Pumpkins album seemed like the perfect opportunity. And yet, and yet...when I finally made it to the store that next day, cracked the CD open, and began to listen, this is what I heard:
(I apologize for this shitty, unofficial video. It was all I could find.)
To Sheila
twilight fades
through blistered avalon
the sky's cruel torch
on aching autobahn
into the uncertain divine
we scream into the last divide
you make me real
you make me real
strong as I feel
you make me real
Sheila rides on crashing nightingales
intake eyes leave passing vapor trails
with blushing brilliance alive
because it's time to arrive
you make me real
you make me real
strong as I feel
you make me real
lately I just can't seem to believe
discard my friends to change the scenery
it meant the world to hold a bruising faith
but now it's just a matter of grace
a summer storm graces all of me
highway warm sing silent poetry
and I could bring you the light
and take you home into the night
lately I just can't seem to believe
discard my friends to change the scenery
it meant the world to hold a bruising faith
but now it's just a matter of grace
-----------------
Not exactly the anthem for which I had been hoping, but it really made me think about things in a different way. I'll get back to that later.
We talked last week about "Kill," which was a love song but-not-really a love song, a more emo-oriented expression of self-pity and inability to act on one's feelings. "To Sheila" is a love song wrapped up in a discussion of life changes. It's almost the antithesis of "Kill", which is hopelessly mired in inaction and in the past. "To Sheila" is all about moving forward.
The first verse deals with the fading of the old order, of whatever life Corgan feels that he's leaving behind. That day is just ending as "twilight fades". It's never easy to go through life changes, especially when it's impossible to tell what is coming next, and we very often resist this type of thing even if it might ultimately be good for us. "Into the uncertain divine/we scream into the last divide."
We can pretty much assume that the chorus is directed at "Sheila," since the song is called "To Sheila"-- whoever or whatever that may be. I like to think that Sheila is either a friend or a girlfriend helping Corgan with this difficult transition in his life. But "Sheila" might also be representative of Corgan's music as a whole, as he moves from the bombast of the Mellon Collie-era Pumpkins to the quiet, retrospective Adore-era. When Corgan sings "you make me real," it is directed towards his constant, whether that constant is embodied in a person or simply his passion for creating music; it's what is holding him together. The second part of the chorus is important too: "strong as I feel/you make me real". No matter how in-control he feels, or how much he feels he has his life together, he knows that "Sheila" is responsible for a large part of that, too.
The verse that comes next is packed with some fantastic imagery. Any reference to nightingales, at least for me, can't help but allude to that famous scene from Romeo and Juliet. In that scene, Juliet tries to convince Romeo to stay with her; that the birds they hear outside are nightingales, birds of the night, rather than larks, birds of the morning. Corgan's reference to "crashing nightingales" possibly also heralds the morning, the imminent breaking of a new day. The line "intake eyes leave passing vapor trails," apart from being beautiful, brings to mind jet engines leaving their trails across the sky. Sheila, whoever or whatever she may be, is leaving a mark on Corgan, "with blushing brilliance alive"-- a description of the exhilaration he feels and a subtle nod to post-sex blush.
The bridge of "To Sheila" is where Corgan but quietly but powerfully gets to the point of the song, singing about the changes occurring in his life: "lately I just can't seem to believe/discard my friends to change the scenery". Haven't we all reached a point in our lives where we want to just forget about everything we know? I'm definitely familiar with the impulse to go somewhere else, start anew, especially after a big life change. Some people are actually capable of this and some aren't, and who knows whether it's actually a good idea, but the drive is still there.
We finally come to the absolute heart of "To Sheila", and possibly of the entirety of Adore itself: "It meant the world to hold a bruising faith/but now it's just a matter of grace". The "bruising faith" that Corgan refers to here can be interpreted as both heavy rock anthems of the Pumpkins' past and the angry attitude of disenfranchised youth that Corgan seems to know intimately. The alternative to these two things is simple: "grace", practically embodied in this delicate album-opener.
I'm almost hesitant to get into the final verse, given that the bridge is so powerful. But I'll outline it quickly: Corgan has now come to accept and embrace the change that he was resisting in the first verse. "A summer storm graces all of" him, and the use of "grace," repeated from the bridge, is important; it lets us know that this isn't a violent tempest but a light shower of water, a sign of rebirth. His perspective has changed; he's now ready to give back to this relationship, promising: "I [can] bring you the light/and take you home into the night." The fading twilight and the end of the old perspective now ring with a note of hope.
Really, though, all of what's important here has already been stated. I'll write it again: It meant the world to hold a bruising faith, but now it's just a matter of grace. Corgan repeats this as the song beautifully trails off into nothing, into the future, into this new night, into the unknown.
Fourteen-year-old me tried to take in the advice that the song and the album as a whole was trying to convey: there is another way. Not everything has to be a tantrum, not everything has to involve striking out against the cruel world. Poise, grace, and tranquility can function just as well. Acoustic finger-picking instead of blistering guitar solos is an acceptable musical choice. It all ties together.
But I was fourteen. Even if I saw there was another route, that doesn't mean that I was capable of taking it.
And even now, it seems like still blindly throwing notes up on the wall, petulantly demanding whatever it is that I can't have.
"I want (you to) adore (me)". Isn't that right?
Showing posts with label Billy Corgan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Billy Corgan. Show all posts
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Smashing Pumpkins: Muzzle (1995)
Let's start off with a song that has some of my favorite lyrics ever. As an angsty 13-year-old, I sat in front of my computer, listening to this and chatting with girls who I would never talk to face to face or even meet. I couldn't help but feel a complete connection to these words right from the first lines: "I fear that I am ordinary/just like everyone". It sums up so much in such little space. Everyone is out there trying to make a name for themselves, trying to be a unique person, trying to accomplish something. But one of our biggest fears is that we won't be able to do it-- how can we come to terms with that possibility?
Muzzle
I fear that I am ordinary,
just like everyone
to lie here and die among the sorrows
adrift among the days
for everything I ever said
and everything i've ever done is gone and dead
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
my life has been extraordinary
blessed and cursed and won
time heals but I'm forever broken
by and by the way...
have you ever heard the words
I'm singing in these songs?
It's for the girl I've loved all along
can a taste of love be so wrong?
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
and in my mind as I was floating
far above the clouds
some children laughed I'd fall for certain
for thinking that I'd live forever
but I knew exactly where I was
and I knew the meaning of it all
and I knew the distance to the sun
and I knew the echo that is love
and I knew the secrets in your spires
and I knew the emptiness of youth
and I knew the solitude of heart
and I knew the murmurs of the soul
and the world is drawn into your hands
and the world is etched upon your heart
and the world so hard to understand
is the world you can't live without
and I knew the silence of the world
-----------------
It's great, right? Well, I think it's great.
The chorus is one of the most interesting bits here. "all things must surely have to end/and great loves will one day have to part." Essentially that everything in the world, even the best things, will cease to be eventually. A downer, to be sure. But the last line, "I know that I am meant for this world", piques my curiosity, although its meaning may not become entirely clear until the song's end. I'll come back to it later on.
Lyricist and lead singer Billy Corgan has said that this song was written partially as a preemptive attack on critics who, hearing The Smashing Pumpkins' grandiose double album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, were "going to tell [him] to shut up." That in mind, there has to be a sense of playfulness when he asks "have you ever heard the words I'm singing in these songs?/It's for the girl I've loved all along". It's easy for a critic or a casual listener or an angsty 13-year-old to classify a lot of Corgan's work as either love songs or songs lamenting its loss, but that would be underselling his ability to comment on life in general.
Similarly, it's easy to dismiss other lines as Corgan mouthing off to the critics who would peg him as arrogant or as a know-it-all. Certainly that's what he's doing when he sings that "children laughed [he'd] fall for certain/for thinking [he'd] live forever". But with the eight line interlude beginning with "I knew..." there seems to be something else at play. For starters, the things described here range from the vague ("the meaning of it all") to the specific, scientific ("the distance to the sun"); the emotional ups ("the echo that is love") to the emotional downs ("the solitude of heart"). It seems to me, here, that these eight lines are Corgan's interpretation of everything about life; these are things that he was unable to even remotely comprehend before, but he is slowly beginning to understand. In this way, "Muzzle" plays as a coming-of-age story.
Which leads us into the pivotal moment of the song. "And the world is drawn into your hands/and the world is etched upon your heart/and the world so hard to understand/is the world you can't live without". Stated simply: The world we live in can often really suck, but it's part of us and it's all we have. This doubles for the meaning of the last verse of the chorus that I said I'd get back to: "I know that I am meant for this world."
What makes this interesting is that you would think it would be the other way around; either a dreamy desire for some other world, some place where things are perfect, or a total rejection of the world and a desire to escape it. But that's not what's here. He knows that he is "meant for this world," which is thoroughly "etched upon his heart".
The message becomes to strike out, soldier on, make a name for yourself, become unique, come to terms with life. Do it all in spite of "the silence of the world" and you've accomplished something.
That just about does it for me as far as the lyrics go, although there is, of course, room to delve deeper and for other interpretations. Some people seem to think that the entire song revolves around a man who has committed suicide and is looking back on his life, but given what we've analyzed, I really think that Corgan would view that as a cowardly alternative. I choose to believe it's the slightly more positive notions I've espoused here.
Future posts may or may not get into the actual music behind the words, depending on how much it is warranted. But a couple things of note here as we wrap up:
First, the drumming here is ridiculously good and infuses the song with an incredible energy. Listen to the drum fills after the second line of each verse and tell me that this song isn't going places. Second, Muzzle features a Smashing Pumpkins trademark of the music going from loud to soft to loud again. The instruments cut off right with "for thinking I'd live forever" and it is a slow build back to brilliant euphony from "I knew the meaning of it all" through to the end of the song.
Muzzle
I fear that I am ordinary,
just like everyone
to lie here and die among the sorrows
adrift among the days
for everything I ever said
and everything i've ever done is gone and dead
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
my life has been extraordinary
blessed and cursed and won
time heals but I'm forever broken
by and by the way...
have you ever heard the words
I'm singing in these songs?
It's for the girl I've loved all along
can a taste of love be so wrong?
as all things must surely have to end
and great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
and in my mind as I was floating
far above the clouds
some children laughed I'd fall for certain
for thinking that I'd live forever
but I knew exactly where I was
and I knew the meaning of it all
and I knew the distance to the sun
and I knew the echo that is love
and I knew the secrets in your spires
and I knew the emptiness of youth
and I knew the solitude of heart
and I knew the murmurs of the soul
and the world is drawn into your hands
and the world is etched upon your heart
and the world so hard to understand
is the world you can't live without
and I knew the silence of the world
-----------------
It's great, right? Well, I think it's great.
The chorus is one of the most interesting bits here. "all things must surely have to end/and great loves will one day have to part." Essentially that everything in the world, even the best things, will cease to be eventually. A downer, to be sure. But the last line, "I know that I am meant for this world", piques my curiosity, although its meaning may not become entirely clear until the song's end. I'll come back to it later on.
Lyricist and lead singer Billy Corgan has said that this song was written partially as a preemptive attack on critics who, hearing The Smashing Pumpkins' grandiose double album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, were "going to tell [him] to shut up." That in mind, there has to be a sense of playfulness when he asks "have you ever heard the words I'm singing in these songs?/It's for the girl I've loved all along". It's easy for a critic or a casual listener or an angsty 13-year-old to classify a lot of Corgan's work as either love songs or songs lamenting its loss, but that would be underselling his ability to comment on life in general.
Similarly, it's easy to dismiss other lines as Corgan mouthing off to the critics who would peg him as arrogant or as a know-it-all. Certainly that's what he's doing when he sings that "children laughed [he'd] fall for certain/for thinking [he'd] live forever". But with the eight line interlude beginning with "I knew..." there seems to be something else at play. For starters, the things described here range from the vague ("the meaning of it all") to the specific, scientific ("the distance to the sun"); the emotional ups ("the echo that is love") to the emotional downs ("the solitude of heart"). It seems to me, here, that these eight lines are Corgan's interpretation of everything about life; these are things that he was unable to even remotely comprehend before, but he is slowly beginning to understand. In this way, "Muzzle" plays as a coming-of-age story.
Which leads us into the pivotal moment of the song. "And the world is drawn into your hands/and the world is etched upon your heart/and the world so hard to understand/is the world you can't live without". Stated simply: The world we live in can often really suck, but it's part of us and it's all we have. This doubles for the meaning of the last verse of the chorus that I said I'd get back to: "I know that I am meant for this world."
What makes this interesting is that you would think it would be the other way around; either a dreamy desire for some other world, some place where things are perfect, or a total rejection of the world and a desire to escape it. But that's not what's here. He knows that he is "meant for this world," which is thoroughly "etched upon his heart".
The message becomes to strike out, soldier on, make a name for yourself, become unique, come to terms with life. Do it all in spite of "the silence of the world" and you've accomplished something.
That just about does it for me as far as the lyrics go, although there is, of course, room to delve deeper and for other interpretations. Some people seem to think that the entire song revolves around a man who has committed suicide and is looking back on his life, but given what we've analyzed, I really think that Corgan would view that as a cowardly alternative. I choose to believe it's the slightly more positive notions I've espoused here.
Future posts may or may not get into the actual music behind the words, depending on how much it is warranted. But a couple things of note here as we wrap up:
First, the drumming here is ridiculously good and infuses the song with an incredible energy. Listen to the drum fills after the second line of each verse and tell me that this song isn't going places. Second, Muzzle features a Smashing Pumpkins trademark of the music going from loud to soft to loud again. The instruments cut off right with "for thinking I'd live forever" and it is a slow build back to brilliant euphony from "I knew the meaning of it all" through to the end of the song.